Credit crunch humour

Here is a piece of internet humour about the credit crunch, I'd attribute it if I knew the author. For the moment credit it to 'anon'.



The Credit Crunch Explained

At last! An explanation I understand...

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she
decides to allow her loyal customers, most of whom are unemployed
alcoholics, to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks
consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of unemployed alcoholics
flood into Heidi's bar.

Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment
constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most popular
drinks. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes
these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's
borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts
of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these
customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities
are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these
abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as
their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items
because (insert here the name of your financial advisor) recommended them as
a good investment.

One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager of the bank,
(subsequently of course fired due to his negativity), decides that the time
has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's
bar. But of course they cannot pay back the debts.

Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.

DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95%. PUKEBOND performs better,
stabilizing in price after dropping by 80%.

The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment-due dates,
and having invested in the securities, are faced with a new situation. Her
wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a
competitor.

The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock
consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.

The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the
non-drinkers.